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2008 Numerology Forecast

Expect big shake-ups this year

2008 is dominated by the most powerful number there is: 1. Although every New Year promises changes and new beginnings, 2008 will be a historic one. And it's not just the next year, either. The whole next decade is going to be a period of change, too -- in a big-picture sense and also on a personal level.

It just fits everyhing


Were you surprised that we never spoke?
That in the still of the night, when nothing stirs
I woke and I gathered up some clothes
I never planned on this but it's the way it goes
And now it all seems too familiar like pages turned on calendars
We get the same twelve months to fuck things up, year after year
And I can't believe how down I am like a well I'm being lowered in
Now water stops, the bucket drops us farther and farther down
Farther and farther down

Well I guess that you never knew me
Or at least not well enough

So I fill my gut with dark red wine
Until my brain shuts off and my eyes go blind
You won't see me there in that thick black air
Yeah, I'll finally make something disappear

Because I've been practicing disappearing
And I think that I've got it down

Now there is no sun, just a cellar
Nowhere is sky, just that black, black dirt
Now there is no sun, it's just a cellar
Nowhere is sky, just that black, black
Black, black dirt

Expanding outwards, just echoes for answers
Not that it matters, it's back or it's forwards
Unhappy lovers with baskets of flowers
Use them as markers
The place where your bed once stood
A time when it still felt good

But you'll get that feeling back
Yeah, you just need some time to think
And to add up the hell, get it straight in your mind
But to calculate cost, that may take some time
But I'm sure you'll get to feeling better
Yeah, I just need some time to drink

So I'll fill my gut with that blood red wine
Until my insides swim and my veins unwind
I'll be lying there in that hot white air
Once that something's gone, it might never reappear
It might never reappear
It might never reappear
It might never reappear

I just turned 19, and I'm a fucking wreck.  Couldn't be happier.

I'm going to sleep. Become a good student. Find something with the member of the opposite sex that's actually tangible. Feel comfortable. Breathe.

That I love you all.

So once again I've been sort of a wreck. I found out that I've missed 10 classes this semester. I really can't afford to miss another one, and I won't. It's hard though because I don't sleep enough. I just stay up until all hours of the night feeling anxious, with this aching feeling in my chest, like there's something in there scratching, dying to just burst out of my chest cavity, but it never gets anywhere. It's there right now, actually. It's a miracle I'm able to wake up every morning. It hasn't helped that someone who I so desperately want to get close to has been so alien to me lately, and for reasons that I don't even know. It really bothers me that I don't feel truly close to anyone here. I mean, I am, but there isn't anyone who spends time with me more than one or two days out of the week, and I'm a person who needs that kind of.....companionship? I guess that's the right word. That's why I'm probably going home this weekend. I'm so tired of being away from all the people that truly matter to me. I'm tired of falling apart, and there's only so much I can do to keep myself together on my own. 

At least today was beautiful.

So I've been volunteering down at United For Peace and Justice for the past few days. It's been a real trip. I've mainly been putting together signs to hand out to people for the march tomorrow. Very tedious work. Luckily 5 incredibly awesome kids from my group came to help me out today and we got them done super fast. Then they had some of us do one of the scariest things I've ever done. We had to call and talk to THE MEDIA. I had to talk about UFPJ's press conference tomorrow to The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Daily News, CNN, NBC, ABC, Fox5, Democracy Now!,  etc., etc., etc. It was insaaaaannne. Then afterwards one of the ladies came up to us and was like "If there aren't 100 people from the press there tomorrow, it will be ALL YOUR FAULT. I really hope we all did a good job. It's scary to have that kind of responsibility. I'm so not used to it. For one of the first times in my life I'm standing up for something I believe in. Taking action and doing something that WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THIS WORLD. It's exhilarating.

Also, for the first time in a very long time, I have a ladyfriend. She's pretty great. 

So I've been doing a little better the past day or two. Getting all my schoolwork shit accomplished and stuff. It was a close call though cause my scene partner and I were supposed to do a scene yesterday but we didn't know our lines so we learned them in our two hour break, thought out what we were going to do for the set, went into class and ROCKED THAT SHIT. It was hilarious to me since we'd never rehearsed a day in our life and JUST learned the lines. I'm volunteering for United for Peace and Justice tomorrow handing out flyers and shit for the protest on sunday WHICH EVERYONE WHO CAN SHOULD BE GOING TO. Then, after that, I'm having a penguin pajama movie night slumber party with this very lovely girl I've been hanging out with the past few weeks. All in all, I'm excited for the weekend. 



GO HERE: http://www.unitedforpeace.org/calendar.php?calid=20055

It astonishes me sometimes how much of a hold the past can have on people. Even when you try to run away from them, old memories, old feelings, can come back to haunt you. I'm the kind of person who never wants people who were once a major part of my life to stop being in it, but we all know that people come into and go out of our lives faster than we can even realize that they're gone. So we're left without a goodbye, and with lots of useless "Remember when's." Dwelling on the past like this is fruitless, of course. We have to keep moving forward no matter what, and the people who are truly important in our lives will always stick around. We must let go of the past. This is the reason I made a new journal. There was too much of the past Me in there. It was stifling, I couldn't write in it anymore. I had to let it go. Let's hope I can let other things go now as well.